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Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 31 Jan 2009, 01:38
by R3z
Нашел на просторах сети один оч интересный фанфик на тему СС и СНК в целом. Для полного понимания необходимы знания английского а так же хотя бы поверхностное представление о персонажах КоФа и СС (и частности СС64+) :lol:

Ahahaha, Howardglish for the win. And now...the moment you've all been waiting for...

SAMURAI SPIRITS - HAOHMARU NO AKINAI IKARI

Episode I

[PROFILES]
Haohmaru - Works as an "wandering accountant". His accountantship is so grand, all he needs is a mere sharpie pen to get the job done, and occasionally his laptop computer, a 5 year old Dell Inspirion notebook PC. He is something of an alcoholic and doesn't mind being late for appointments. Like a true accountant, he is also very cheap, although he claims he is being froogle. He won't hesitate to let someone else pay for his meals or drinks. He was once good friends with Genjuro and together they studied under Nicotine, however after Genjuro tried to brutually scam Haohmaru, Genjuro went his own way, and Haohmaru went his.

Nicotine Caffine - President and Founder of Caffine Corp, one of the largest distributers of soda and alcoholic beverages in Japan. He founded the company and has been running it for nearly a century. He is somewhat absent minded and very naive for his age, not to mention perverted. He was once a young entrepreneur seeking for a way to climb the corperate ladder. After founding his own company, he taught Haohmaru and Genjuro, his two students everything he knew about business ethics and management, and was ready to offer one of them a high postion in his company, until he discovered Genjuro was using his teachings to scam people. After that incident, Genjuro left, and Haohmaru declined the postion. Now Nicotine runs his company peacefully with his grandson.

Gaira Caffine - Executive Chairman of Caffine Corp. He has an akward postion with his grandfather and fears the day will come when he will have to become President of the company, and he feels completely unprepared for it. He works very hard to keep everything neat and organized, and tries to keep a level head, however his grandfather's behavior grinds his nerves and Haohmaru is of no helping his frusteration ethier.

Galford D. Weller - An American living in Japan, he works at Caffine Corp as a security officer, trained in the way of the ninja (or so he claims). He has a strong sense of justice and duty, with an undying dedication to his job, although he would much rather be a full time detective working for the police instead. Galford stuggles with keeping his Japanese citizenship, and is always looking for a wife. He also goes nowhere with Poppy, his best most loyal friend in the world. He is also an otaku and enjoys anime, manga and hentai games.

Poppy - A Half-Husky, Half-Wolf breed female canine. She has been together with Galford for a very long time and is a very loyal companion to him. Poppy can understand human language, and is also very skilled in self-defense, making Poppy very suitable to becoming a police hound. However, Galford refuses to go anywhere without Poppy by his side, and Poppy feels the same way. Poppy has also had several litters of puppies in the past, and shows no signs of slowing down.

Yuga The Destroyer - Owner of Makai Essences, one of the most popular fashion product and hair-care distribution companies and salons in Japan. It is said that originally Yuga was a woman, but underwent a sex change. It is also rumored that he can manipulate people into doing his willing by simply performing a puppet show in front of them. Although he can gain control of a person, a certain amount of their personality and free-will are left inside of them, however his grip on their souls is extremely powerful, thus those he controls remain loyal to him.

Shiki - A servant of Yuga, not much is urrently known about her besides she is a very beautiful young woman with two naturally differently colored eyes and a snake tattoo, and seems to enjoy wearing provocative dress.

Iroha - A beautiful maiden that works as a hostess at the Crane Club. She has a high level of devotation to all of her customers, insisting on calling them master. For some reason, she is pursued by Kim Kaphwan. She fled the club upon his arrival and giving chase and hasn't been seen since.

Kim Kaphwan - Known as "The Korean Hero of Justice" by those that love him and "The Diabolical Demon of Insanity" by those that hate him. He is a family man and proud teacher of Taekwondo, and preacher of Justice. His motto is "Aku wa yurusan", and will never allow evil to get away from his sights. He has come to Japan to capture Iroha, possibly to force her into his notorious rehabilitation program that is run back in South Town in the USA, the center of all evil activity.

Earthquake - A huge American who came to Japan around the same time as Galford. He competed for the same job as Galford, but failed, getting a job as janitor instead. He is in trouble of losing his Japanese citizenship, and like Galford, searches for a wife to gain citizenship, but unlike Galford, has difficulty around women.

Delivery Man - A mysterious man with a take out delivery bag, said to contain the Legendary 7 Delivery Dinners. He was sealed inside a bathroom by Yuga, but broke out of it one hour after being sealed inside. He now strives for revenge againest Yuga and all that stand in his way.
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A tall muscular man wearing a long white shirt with an u-done long tie and black dress pants with long wild hair sat with his back to a big thick oak tree. Fireflies are swarming around him, providing a significant amount of light.

実践理性(Ethics)

企業風土(Corporate Culture)

殷富(Prosperity)

運行 (Revolution)

Modern day Japan, Year 2006 A.D. More than a century ago, the age of samurai came to an end...

However... the way of Bushido... lives on! (Insert Up-Beat SNK-style introduction music)

HAYOOOOOOOOO!!! (Wacky Japanese yelling you always hear, ya know, like the one from Tenchi Muyo!)

The man stands straight up, and takes his blade (a Sharpie pen) in hand, and throws it into the air, catching it in his pocket protector in his shirt pocket.

Wild Man: YOSHA!

Suddenly, there was an unusual sound, in the form of Athena's singing voice coming from his pants pocket. The man slid his hand inside his pocket and pulled out a cell phone.

Wild Man: OI! It's not a cell phone! It's a HELIO! Dumbass! (Answers the pho-...erm...Helio) Yo!
Familiar Voice: HEY! HAOMAHROO!
Haohmaru: Galford?
Galford: YEAH!! Say hi POPPY!
Poppy: WOOF WOOF!
Haohmaru: WHAT THE HELL!? I DON'T WANNA TALK TO POPPY!!
Galford: Yo! Hurry up already! The party is startin without ya!
Haohmaru: Alright...alright! I'm on my way already! Just hold on! I'll be right there! (Hangs up and places the phone back into his pocket) WHAT THE HELL! It's not a phone! It's a god damn Helio! I paid $225 for this thing! It was even more expensive because I imported it from the USA! You know how much exchange rates are? God damnit! Shit! Now I'm talking to myself again!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later, at the Crane Club, a hostess club that is popular amoung businessmen for its enchanting hostesses. Haohmaru sat at a round table with two other well dressed men.

Haohmaru: Who cares if I'm late? I'm here now! Let's cut to the chase and get drinking already!
Gaira: Hey! Hey! Don't get drunk yet! What about our tax return? Thats why you were even invited to this meeting!
Haohmaru: Oi, I'll drop it off at your desk tomarrow morning, sheesh.
Gaira: Damnit! That's not acceptable Haohmaru! We need that return now!
Nicotine: Calm down already Gaira, there's plenty of time for that at work tomarrow. Your scaring off all the ladies.
Gaira: With my yelling?
Nicotine: No, with the fat ugly face of yours!
Gaira: Your so cruel gramps! (cries)
Nicotine: Ah, don't worry, you'll be a handsome stud when your my age.
Gaira: Noooooo!
Haohmaru: Bwuahahahaha! Your hopless Gaira.
Gaira: Shut up! Your not gonna look any better when your an old coot!
Haohmaru: Actually, I already know what I'm gonna look like, and damn, do I look awesome.
Gaira: WHAT!?
Nicotine: (Throws a copy of Samurai Showdown Warrior's Rage for the PSone on the table) Never seen it before eh boy?
Gaira: What is this?
Haohmaru: Our future...or is that past?
Gaira: Aragh...thinking about that is giving me a headache! Let's order our drinks already!
Nicotine: (Stands up) Yoo-Hoo! Bring the missies over here!
Haohmaru: Yeah! Bring'em over here! YOSHA!
Gaira: Damnit...not like that...can't you guys be gentlemen for once?

Suddenly, a beautiful young lady clad in a maid outfit appeared at the table.

Iroha: Hello, my name is Iroha! Will you gentlemen be my masters tonight?
Nicotine: Oooh honey...I'll be your master forev-
Gaira: (Shoves his hand to Nicotine's face) Shut up old man!
Haohmaru: Oi, we'll have three sake's.
Iroha: Is that all you want?
Haohmaru: Uh, Yeah.
Nicotine: (grabs Gaira's arm and throws him behind him) And I want some nookie on the side!
Iroha: Sorry grandpa...we don't serve cookies here. I'll bring your drinks right away.
Nicotine: No! I want NOOKIE! NOOKIE! What kind of place is this!?
Haohmaru: This isn't THAT kind of place old timer.
Gaira: (Gets up and sits back down at the table) Damnit! That hurt!
Nicotine: Ahhh...what a shame. I was hoping she would bring this old man some joy before he goes on a long journey...
Gaira: NO! You can't die grandpa! Not yet! I'm not ready to take over the family business! Not with this incompetent wandering account!
Nicotine: Hmmm when did I say I was dying?
Haohmaru: Oi! Who you calling incompetent?
Gaira: YOU! That's who!
Haohmaru: Grrr...
Gaira: Grr...
Iroha: Your drinks good masters.
Nicotine: (Grabs the entire bottle of sake and chugs it down) Hahahaha, I'll live forever!
Haohmaru: Oi! Don't drink it all!

Suddenly there is a large amount of commotion towards the front door.

Kim: HA! There she is! (Points at Iroha)
Iroha: Eep!
Kim: I'm your one and only master, you slutty crane woman! I'll have you begging on the floor for your masters forgiveness!
Iroha: Ah! Gotta go! (Runs away)
Kim: AKU WA YURUSAN!!!!! HAAA!! (Chases after Iroha) It's futile to run againest me harlot! HAAAAA!! HOU'OU KYAKU! (Flies through the air)

Haohmaru: What the hell was that all about...
Nicotine: Damnit! I hate these young people stealing away all the good looking women.
Gaira: (Hiding under the table) Is he gone?

Suddenly, Galford came and sat down at the table, with Poppy next to him.

Haohmaru: Well, well! Where the HELL have you been!? You took long enough! And you had the balls to call me and tell me to hurry up?
Galford: I HAD to take Poppy out to do his doggy business! Right Poppy!?
Poppy: WOOF!
Haohmaru: Damn dog!
Galford: HEY! YOU didn't order me any sake!? Ooooooh! There shall be JUSTICE!
Gaira: WAH? Justice!? No! (Resumes hiding under the table)

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Meanwhile, outside of the Crane Club, two figures watch at Hahomaru's table from the window. One was a tall muscular man with blue skin and huge black hair in a single braid. His hands were huge and had long painted fingernails, along with make-up applied to his face, and he wore a beautiful white and black robe, giving him a very feminine apperance. Beside him was a sexy young woman with one red eye and one blue eye wearing a revealing black dress and miniskirt. She had a tattoo of a snake on her right shoulder and left leg that ran up and down her backside with an unusual character in the middle of her back.

Well Dressed Man (?): Kukukuku, I've finally found you...Haohmaru. What do you think...Shiki?
Shiki: I only desire THAT man, Master Yuga.
Yuga: You want him that much do you? He'll be all yours very soon...go now and make the prepartions...
Shiki: Understood! (Vanishes in the air)
Yuga: Kukukuku...how delightful.

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At an unknown location, through a bathroom door, the sound of a large noise could be heard. The sound become stronger with every second. BOOM!... BAM!....SLAM!...CRUNCH! The bathroom door flew open, and out stepped a young man with a pale white face, restless eyes, long pointy ears, and hair even more wild than Haohmaru's. He wore a black uniform with a foreign symbol on it, and carried in his right hand some kind of take-out delivery bag. He appeared to work for some sort of food delivery service.

Delivery Man: Bastard...Yuga...locked me up in that bathroom for a hour...but now... I'm free! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!! Using this Ancient Sacred Bag of 7 Legendary Delivery Dinners!

Suddenly there was a large boom from inside the bathroom.

Earthquake: Ooooh yeah...that felt good. (walks out of the stall)
Delivery Man: Uhh...that's so wrong. Wait! You've been in here all this time!?
Earthquake: Well excuse me! I had Taco Bell for lunch!
Delivery Man: Wash your hands at least man!
Earthquake: Oh, right. Sorry!

...To Be Continued.

SPECIAL: Terry Teachs Rock About The Bird's and The Bee's.

South Town, 10 Years Ago...

Rock: Hey Terry, can you tell me about...ya know...grown up stuff?
Terry: HEY JEW! WHATCHA WUNIT KNO ABOOIT?
Rock: Ya know...stuff like sex.
Terry: WELLZ...THEY GOT DIS THANG CALLED DAT BARDZ IN BHEEZ TEH FLOWARGHS N TEH TREHZ! OK?
Rock: Ok
Terry: DAN YA GIT HER IN BED AND JO LIKE...POWARGH DOONK!
Rock: Wait! WHAT!?
Terry: POWARGH DOONK! THEN SHE GONNA POWAH GEYAZUH!
Rock: OH MY GOD!
Terry: OH-MY-SHIT! DEN SOMETIMES JEW CAN RISING TACO HERAGH FO BEHINDS!
Rock: THATS HORRIBLE!!
Terry: BUT WAIT! I FOGAWT TO TELL JEW BOUT THE BUST HER WOLF!
Rock: EWWWW!! Thats GROSS Terry!
Terry: ARE YOU OKAY!?

Rock leaves and walks into his room in disgust.

Terry: WAT JIZZ PRABLOOM? KIDS TODAY DUN JUS UNDERTSANDS BEAUTY OF ADOOTHOOD!

Suddenly, there was a doorbell ring.

Terry: I'LL GIT JIT! (Opens the door)
Mary: HAYLLO TARRY!
Terry: HEY MARY!
Mary: LET'S FIGHT TARRY! BUST MY WOLF?
Terry: OKAY!
Mary: ANTON! (throws her jacket)
Anton: WOOF! (catches her jacket and runs)
Mary: I'LL SHOW JEW!

Re: Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 31 Jan 2009, 01:38
by R3z
SAMURAI SPIRITS - HAOHMARU NO AKINAI IKARI

Episode II

[PROFILES]
Haohmaru - Works as an "wandering accountant". His accountantship is so grand, all he needs is a mere sharpie pen to get the job done, and occasionally his laptop computer, a 5 year old Dell Inspirion notebook PC. He is something of an alcoholic and doesn't mind being late for appointments. Like a true accountant, he is also very cheap, although he claims he is being froogle. He won't hesitate to let someone else pay for his meals or drinks. He was once good friends with Genjuro and together they studied under Nicotine, however after Genjuro tried to brutually scam Haohmaru, Genjuro went his own way, and Haohmaru went his.

Nicotine Caffine - President and Founder of Caffine Corp, one of the largest distributers of soda and alcoholic beverages in Japan. He founded the company and has been running it for nearly a century. He is somewhat absent minded and very naive for his age, not to mention perverted. He was once a young entrepreneur seeking for a way to climb the corperate ladder. After founding his own company, he taught Haohmaru and Genjuro, his two students everything he knew about business ethics and management, and was ready to offer one of them a high postion in his company, until he discovered Genjuro was using his teachings to scam people. After that incident, Genjuro left, and Haohmaru declined the postion. Now Nicotine runs his company peacefully with his grandson.

Gaira Caffine - Executive Chairman of Caffine Corp. He has an akward postion with his grandfather and fears the day will come when he will have to become President of the company, and he feels completely unprepared for it. He works very hard to keep everything neat and organized, and tries to keep a level head, however his grandfather's behavior grinds his nerves and Haohmaru is of no helping his frusteration ethier.

Galford D. Weller - An American living in Japan, he works at Caffine Corp as a security officer, trained in the way of the ninja (or so he claims). He has a strong sense of justice and duty, with an undying dedication to his job, although he would much rather be a full time detective working for the police instead. Galford stuggles with keeping his Japanese citizenship, and is always looking for a wife. He also goes nowhere with Poppy, his best most loyal friend in the world. He is also an otaku and enjoys anime, manga and hentai games.

Poppy - A Half-Husky, Half-Wolf breed female canine. She has been together with Galford for a very long time and is a very loyal companion to him. Poppy can understand human language, and is also very skilled in self-defense, making Poppy very suitable to becoming a police hound. However, Galford refuses to go anywhere without Poppy by his side, and Poppy feels the same way. Poppy has also had several litters of puppies in the past, and shows no signs of slowing down.

Yuga The Destroyer - Owner of Makai Essences, one of the most popular fashion product and hair-care distribution companies and salons in Japan. It is said that originally Yuga was a woman, but underwent a sex change. It is also rumored that he can manipulate people into doing his willing by simply performing a puppet show in front of them. Although he can gain control of a person, a certain amount of their personality and free-will are left inside of them, however his grip on their souls is extremely powerful, thus those he controls remain loyal to him.

Shiki - A servant of Yuga, not much is urrently known about her besides she is a very beautiful young woman with two naturally differently colored eyes and a snake tattoo, and seems to enjoy wearing provocative dress.

Iroha - A beautiful maiden that works as a hostess at the Crane Club. She has a high level of devotation to all of her customers, insisting on calling them master. For some reason, she is pursued by Kim Kaphwan. She fled the club upon his arrival and giving chase and hasn't been seen since.

Kim Kaphwan - Known as "The Korean Hero of Justice" by those that love him and "The Diabolical Demon of Insanity" by those that hate him. He is a family man and proud teacher of Taekwondo, and preacher of Justice. His motto is "Aku wa yurusan", and will never allow evil to get away from his sights. He has come to Japan to capture Iroha, possibly to force her into his notorious rehabilitation program that is run back in South Town in the USA, the center of all evil activity.

Earthquake - A huge American who came to Japan around the same time as Galford. He competed for the same job as Galford, but failed, getting a job as janitor instead. He is in trouble of losing his Japanese citizenship, and like Galford, searches for a wife to gain citizenship, but unlike Galford, has difficulty around women.

Delivery Man - A mysterious man with a take out delivery bag, said to contain the Legendary 7 Delivery Dinners. He was sealed inside a bathroom by Yuga, but broke out of it one hour after being sealed inside. He now strives for revenge againest Yuga and all that stand in his way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next day, a hung-over Haohmaru was walking the sidewalk early on a sunny afternoon downtown.

Haohmaru: Ugh...I still feel so wasted...I can't handle the booze like I used to...

While walking around aimlessly, Haohmaru heard a high pitched voice yell for his name.

Voice: Haohmaru!!
Haohmaru: Huh?

Haohmaru turned around and noticed a cute girl in a high school uniform with long black hair. She ran up to Haohmaru to greet him.

High School Girl: Hey! Haohmaru! How are you today?
Haohmaru: Huh? Nakoruru?
Nakoruru: You look hung over, you reek of alcohol!
Haohmaru: Heh, I'll take that as a complement.
Nakoruru: Meh! (Sticks her tongue out at Haohmaru)
Haohmaru: Oi, whatcha doin hanging around here? Dontcha got school?
Nakoruru: You big loaf, it's Saturday!
Haohmaru: Oh, right...yeah...that's right I was supposed to go to the office n' give the old timer his tax return...but the place is closed today.
Nakoruru: Old man Caffine?
Haohmaru: Heh! A weekend of free loafing and more drinking fer me!
Nakoruru: Noooo! I don't think so!
Haohmaru: Huh?
Nakoruru: You need to get cleaned up Haohmaru and find a nice lady to hit it off with!
Haohmaru: Bah! What are ya talkin about, I'm totally cool!
Nakoruru: Your hair is a mess...you can't even tie your own tie...hmmm...I know! I'll take you to this nice little beauty parlor I know!
Haohmaru: Beauty parlor? Ain't that kind of thing for girls like you?
Nakoruru: Men can use them too! You shouldn't feel ashamed about it!
Haohmaru: I don't know...
Nakoruru: Come on Haohmaru...the lady the works there is really nice too!
Haohmaru: Not interested...
Nakoruru: Ahh...she has...ya know...oppai oppai (makes suggestive motions with her hands near her chest)
Haohmaru: (steam fumes from his nostrails) Oppai?
Nakoruru: (Totally red and embrassed) Y-yes...

Suddenly a tall handsome man with a large proud chin appeared, with a beatbox playing a rather catchy tune.

Handsome Man: Ah-Hahaha! Thats-a-right! Chichi wo Oppai! C'mon everybody, sing-a-long with Parco Fulgore!
Nakoruru: Oh my god! It's Parco Fulgore, the Italian Pop Star! I'm gonna faint!
Fulgore: Ah-hahaha! Chichi wo Oppai! BOING BOING! Chichi wo Moge! BOING BOING! C'mon! MOGE! MOGE! MOGE! (Starts dancing)
Haohmaru: What the hell! Your singing completely about tits! CUT IT OUT! SENPUU RETSUZAN!

Haohmaru draws his sharpie and slices it across the air, creating a mini-whirlwind that picks Fulgore up into the air and sends him flying away.

Fulgore: BOOOOOOOOOING BOOOOOOOOOOING!!! AHAAAAHA!
Nakoruru: Awww! I didn't even get his autograph!
Haohmaru: Hmph! I hate pop music.
Nakoruru: Your mean Haohmaru...
Haohmaru: Oppai should be treasured...yes...not disgraced with such an annoying song and dance!
Nakoruru: Ah...well at least you have values.
Haohmaru: Don't pile me in with the rest of those squares.
Nakoruru: Anyways, so how about it Haohmaru? Let's go get you cleaned up! The place should be opening soon!
Haohmaru: Sigh...alright...alright...
Nakoruru: I'm sure Rimururu will be meeting us there too!
Haohmaru: Huh? WAIT! You didn't say ANYTHING about her coming along!
Nakoruru: C'mon Haohmaru! (Grabs Haohmaru's arm and drags him down the street)

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Meanwhile, at another part of downtown, Shiki was walking down the sidewalk in high heels. She passed by a young man wearing a black jacket clad in jeans with a certain clan symbol on the back of it.

Young Man: Whoa...mama...your sizzling hot. What's a babe like you doing down town?
Shiki: I have work.
Young Man: Oh...right...right...so...what are the chances of a babe like you with a guy like me?
Shiki: A babe like me with a kid like you? It's not in the cards.
Young Man: Hey, c'mon toots, I ain't no kid.
Shiki: (Reaches for a cigeratte) Is that so?
Young Man: I'm a gentleman at heart really (Flips out a lighter)
Shiki: Why do you carry that thing?
Young Man: It was...uhh...a gift, yeah.
Shiki: ...
Young Man: (Gives her a light) So how about it? Let me buy ya a coffee.
Shiki: (Blows smoke in his face) I'm only interested in one man, boy.
Young Man: Cough...cough...gag...
Shiki: (Turns around and walks away) Watch out for that second hand smoke kid, it's killer.
Young Man: Cough...cough...damn...what a woman. (Grins)

Suddenly a figure appears behind the young man and grabs him by the shoulder tightly.

Young Man: Well...hello Iori Yagami.
Iori: Kyo Kusanagi...you disgust me.
Kyo: Yeah? What of it?
Iori: You have a girlfriend, yet you go womanizing with other women. Your a pathetic ant.
Kyo: Hey, at least I know how to have fun with my women. What do you do? Go and get all emo in front of a gravestone! Why don't you go marry it!

Then out of no-where, PeeWee Herman appeared

PeeWee: Maybe I will! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Iori: Shut up putz! Nobody was speaking to you! DIE! I'll kill you, then your next Kusanagi!
Kyo: Whatever, Yagami. Do what you want. Emo Fag. Jeez!
PeeWee: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Ding Ding Ding Ding

PeeWee: You said the Word of the Day! JEEZ! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
Loud Voice: SHIIIIIIINGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

A figure lands on top of PeeWee and Iori, it's none other than Shingo Yabuki.

Shingo: Dun dun dun dun!
Kyo: Hey Shingo, what are you doing here?
Shingo: Master Kyo! OMFG! You won't believe this! I SHOT FIRE!
Kyo: Really? Thats impressive! Show me!
Shingo: Alright, watch very closely now. (Pulls out a lighter)
Kyo: Ugh...what is it with lighters today... do you smoke Shingo?
Shingo: N-n-no sir! Smoking is bad!
Kyo: Good boy...
Shingo: Now watch very carefully! Shingo Yabuki Style 1360 Shiki - Recca no Honou! (Bends over and places the lighter to his ass) ORA!!!

BOOM!!!

Shingo: Ahhhhhhhhhh!! My butt's on fire!! GAAHARAGH!! JEEZ!!
PeeWee: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Shingo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Iori: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Kyo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

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Later, Nakoruru and Haohmaru arrive at the beauty parlor, a huge sign is on top of the building that says in large red letters in an exotic english font - MAKAI ESSENCES. Just as Nakoruru and Haohmaru arrive, Rimururu arrives as well.

Rimururu: Hi! Nako! Haoh!
Nakoruru: Good afternoon Rimururu.
Haohmaru: Hello...
Rimururu: Why you look so depressed Haoh?
Haohmaru: Nothing...
Rimururu: You gonna get a nice shampooing?
Haohmaru: Yeah I guess.
Rimururu: You want me to take my shirt off?
Haohmaru: Yeah I guess. W-w-w-wait!
Rimururu: HAH! YOU ARE LOLICON!
Haohmaru: WHAT!? YOU RASCAL!
Rimururu: Loli! Loli! Loli! Haohmaru likes loli!
Nakoruru: Hey hey, settle down, you should behave Rimururu, this place is run by professionals. Act more like a lady!
Rimururu: Okay...sorry.
Haohmaru: Bah, this is a waste of time.
Nakoruru: It'll be worth it Haohmaru. Seems she is running a little late...

After a few seconds, Shiki arrived, and a tall slightly muscular build man who had unusual huge blond hair standing straight up following her.

Shiki: (Faces the man)I told you for the last time, I'm not interested.
Unusual Man: Hey baby...c'mon...I love you!
Shiki: (Throws her cigeratte to the floor and steps on it) I'll slice you.
Unusual Man: Ooooh...kinky. I really love you!
Haohmaru: (Steps in) Hey buddy, the lady ain't interested, so back off. Punk.
Unusual Man: Do you have any idea who your talking to dude? I'm the great Benimaru Nikado, leader of the Japan Team.
Haohmaru: Well too bad, cuz KOF sucks.
Benimaru: WHAT!? WHAT DID YOU SAY!? RAIKO-
Haohmaru: KOGETSU ZAN! (Slashes Benimaru across the chest while leaping upwards into the sky)
Benimaru: GAAAAAH!

White "Blood" splatters into the air, and Benimaru's torso splits in half, hitting the ground and fading away, while his legs hit the ground, nothing more than mere stumps with no gore.

Haohmaru: Damn censorship! (spits at the bloodless legs sitting on the ground, then twirls his sharpie back into his pocket protector)
Nakoruru: That was overkill Haohmaru!
Rimururu: That was awesome Haohmaru!
Shiki: Hmph. Without a doubt...he's the one alright...
Nakoruru: Did you say something Shiki?
Shiki: Huh? I said...it's almost one.
Rimururu: Oh no! I'm going to miss my favorite drama! I gotta go! See ya! (Runs off)
Nakoruru: (shakes her head) Still a kid at heart...
Shiki: (Unlocks the front door to the salon) I apologize for my lateness.
Nakoruru: It's alright Shiki! You are the only one working here.
Shiki: No excuse to justify my actions.
Haohmaru: Just hurry it up lady and give me a good shampooing!
Shiki: Shampooing? Hahahaha..Your going to need much more than that...
Haohmaru: Huh?
Nakoruru: Give him a full make over Shiki!
Shiki: Of course, I expect no less out of a customer of this calibur...
Haohmaru: Whoa...whoa...I didn't agree to this!
Nakoruru: Take it like a man Haohmaru!
Haohmaru: Oi! How much does this make over whatever cost?
Shiki: For you? 10,000¥
Haohmaru: What!? That's overpriced!
Nakoruru: (Nudges Haohmaru) Hey...hey Haohmaru, I'll pay it for you.
Haohmaru: Really!?
Nakoruru: Of course...if you'll buy me Athena's new album next week.
Haohmaru: Fine! I'll do it!
Nakoruru: Yay!
Shiki: Enough talk, I'm going to cut you...
Nakoruru: I'll come back later when your done Haohmaru, bye-bye!
Haohmaru: W-w-wait! Nakoruru! This lady is dangerious!
Shiki: (Drags Haohmaru inside) I think I'll have to do some slicing as well...
Haohmaru: Ahhhhhhh!!

Haohmaru's screams and moans could be heard from inside the building.

Haohmaru: No! Not that! Ahhh!
Shiki: (Throws a huge chunk of conditioner in Haohmaru's wacky hair and massages it hard into his scalp with her nails)
Haohmaru: Ahhh...the pain...ahhh...oooh...oooh...that actually feels kinda good...
Shiki: Your all mine now...
Haohmaru: Mmmm...

From upstairs, Yuga watches as Shiki washes Haohmaru's hair.

Yuga: Kukukuku...who would of thought the Guardian of Mother Nature would bring him to us? How lucky we are. Shiki will seduce him...and then we can enter stage 2...mmmm how delightful indeed. Yes...

Meanwhile, outside the Delivery Man stands in front of the door, waiting for the moment to enter and strike.

Delivery Man: Yuga... I'm coming for you...I'll tear you into pieces, and anyone that stands in my way! I'll make garlic bread out of you!

...To Be Continued
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SPECIAL - Terry Has No Class

Inside a bathroom, three men were standing infront of a row of urinals.

Delivery Man: Hmmm...
Terry: HMMM...
Earthquake: Hmmm...
Delivery Man: (Looks over at Terry)
Terry: (Stares at Delivery Man) HEY JEW
Delivery Man: Hey, how's it going?
Terry: OKAY!
Earthquake: (Shakes it) What..the...whats that smell.
Delivery Man: Wasn't me.
Earthquake: Wasn't me, I'd know if it was me.
Terry: UH OH! I JUST POWAH GAYZURED IN MY PANTS! OH MY SHIT!! (Runs to the stall)
Delivery Man: ...
Earthquake: You have to admit, I got more class that him.
Delivery Man: True...true...
Terry: AW! SHIT! GOD DAMN! I JUST BUSTER WOLF'ED ON THE FLOORAH!
Voice From Stall Next to Terry: TERRY BOGARD!?
Terry: DAT JEW AXEL!?
Axel: HEY WHAT UP! ARAGH! TORNADO UPPEARAAGH!
Terry: OKAY! LIVEWIREARGH!
Axel: FUCK YOU UP!!!
Terry: GOOD LUCK!
Delivery Man: Pffft...
Earthquake: No class at all... (Walks into a stall)

Suddenly, Yuga walks out of the bathroom, slamming the door. The sound of it being locked from the outside could be heard.

Delivery Man: NO! NO! YUGAAAAAA!!! YUGAAAAAA!!!!

[24 Hours Later]

Terry: HELLO? ANYONE DER!? IM OUTTA TEH TOLIET PAPAH! HELLO!? GAWD DAMN! FAWK! WHY I IN JAPON ANYWAYS!?

KAIZUUUUH..WAAAAVE!

Terry: WHO DER!?
Man in Stall: TERRY BOGARD!?
Terry: KRAUSER!!
Krauser: I'LL CHISEL YOUR TOMBSTONE AND SEND YOU TO YOUR GRAVE...BUT FIRST...BLITZ BALL!
Man In Stall 2: BLITZ BALL!? I LOVE BLITZ BALL! C'mon Wakka!
Wakka: I hear YA BROTHA! YA! BLITZ BALL IS THE GREATEST, YA!
Terry: OH MY SHIT! WHO THE FAWK ARGH DES GUYZ!
Krauser: I DUNNO BUT THEY GOOD, THEY FART WELL.

Re: Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 31 Jan 2009, 02:11
by R3z
SAMURAI SPIRITS - HAOHMARU NO AKINAI IKARI

Episode III

[PROFILES]
Haohmaru - Works as an "wandering accountant". His accountantship is so grand, all he needs is a mere sharpie pen to get the job done, and occasionally his laptop computer, a 5 year old Dell Inspirion notebook PC. He is something of an alcoholic and doesn't mind being late for appointments. Like a true accountant, he is also very cheap, although he claims he is being froogle. He won't hesitate to let someone else pay for his meals or drinks. He was once good friends with Genjuro and together they studied under Nicotine, however after Genjuro tried to brutually scam Haohmaru, Genjuro went his own way, and Haohmaru went his.

Nicotine Caffine - President and Founder of Caffine Corp, one of the largest distributers of soda and alcoholic beverages in Japan. He founded the company and has been running it for nearly a century. He is somewhat absent minded and very naive for his age, not to mention perverted. He was once a young entrepreneur seeking for a way to climb the corperate ladder. After founding his own company, he taught Haohmaru and Genjuro, his two students everything he knew about business ethics and management, and was ready to offer one of them a high postion in his company, until he discovered Genjuro was using his teachings to scam people. After that incident, Genjuro left, and Haohmaru declined the postion. Now Nicotine runs his company peacefully with his grandson.

Gaira Caffine - Executive Chairman of Caffine Corp. He has an akward postion with his grandfather and fears the day will come when he will have to become President of the company, and he feels completely unprepared for it. He works very hard to keep everything neat and organized, and tries to keep a level head, however his grandfather's behavior grinds his nerves and Haohmaru is of no helping his frusteration ethier.

Galford D. Weller - An American living in Japan, he works at Caffine Corp as a security officer, trained in the way of the ninja (or so he claims). He has a strong sense of justice and duty, with an undying dedication to his job, although he would much rather be a full time detective working for the police instead. Galford stuggles with keeping his Japanese citizenship, and is always looking for a wife. He also goes nowhere with Poppy, his best most loyal friend in the world. He is also an otaku and enjoys anime, manga and hentai games.

Poppy - A Half-Husky, Half-Wolf breed female canine. She has been together with Galford for a very long time and is a very loyal companion to him. Poppy can understand human language, and is also very skilled in self-defense, making Poppy very suitable to becoming a police hound. However, Galford refuses to go anywhere without Poppy by his side, and Poppy feels the same way. Poppy has also had several litters of puppies in the past, and shows no signs of slowing down.

Yuga The Destroyer - Owner of Makai Essences, one of the most popular fashion product and hair-care distribution companies and salons in Japan. It is said that originally Yuga was a woman, but underwent a sex change. It is also rumored that he can manipulate people into doing his willing by simply performing a puppet show in front of them. Although he can gain control of a person, a certain amount of their personality and free-will are left inside of them, however his grip on their souls is extremely powerful, thus those he controls remain loyal to him.

Shiki - A servant of Yuga, not much is urrently known about her besides she is a very beautiful young woman with two naturally differently colored eyes and a snake tattoo, and seems to enjoy wearing provocative dress.

Iroha - A beautiful maiden that works as a hostess at the Crane Club. She has a high level of devotation to all of her customers, insisting on calling them master. For some reason, she is pursued by Kim Kaphwan. She fled the club upon his arrival and giving chase and hasn't been seen since.

Kim Kaphwan - Known as "The Korean Hero of Justice" by those that love him and "The Diabolical Demon of Insanity" by those that hate him. He is a family man and proud teacher of Taekwondo, and preacher of Justice. His motto is "Aku wa yurusan", and will never allow evil to get away from his sights. He has come to Japan to capture Iroha, possibly to force her into his notorious rehabilitation program that is run back in South Town in the USA, the center of all evil activity.

Earthquake - A huge American who came to Japan around the same time as Galford. He competed for the same job as Galford, but failed, getting a job as janitor instead. He is in trouble of losing his Japanese citizenship, and like Galford, searches for a wife to gain citizenship, but unlike Galford, has difficulty around women.

Delivery Man - A mysterious man with a take out delivery bag, said to contain the Legendary 7 Delivery Dinners. He was sealed inside a bathroom by Yuga, but broke out of it one hour after being sealed inside. He now strives for revenge againest Yuga and all that stand in his way.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Has Shiki continued to brush Haohmaru's freaky hair into something a bit more comfortable but still wild looking, the man called Yuga The Destroyer came down a set of stairs, and appeared before Haohmaru.

Yuga: Ah, welcome to my salon Haohmaru. I've been waiting for you for a long time.
Haohmaru: Huh? Oi, who are you?
Yuga: My name is Yuga The Destroyer.
Haohmaru: Is that right? So this place is yours eh? Not bad at all, I'm enjoying this.
Yuga: I'm very happy my employee gives you the pleasure...now...if you could just take off your clothes and make out with her, that would be great.
Haohmaru: Wha? What!? Make out!?
Shiki: (Unbuttons her blouse)
Haohmaru: WHOA! (nose bleeds) Cut that out woman!
Shiki: Only Lord Yuga may command me...
Haohmaru: What's going on!?
Yuga: Kukukuku. I'll let you in on my plot then Haohmaru...
Haohmaru: What are you plotting!
Yuga: I want to...make the ultimate softcore porn video!
Haohmaru: What!? Go find somebody else.
Yuga: To do this... I need the chosen half-Ying, that would be you Haohmaru...and the chosen half-Yang, which would be Shiki.
Haohmaru: What are you babbling about? Ying? Yang?
Yuga: With the video complete...I can open up the demon world and revive the Dark Lord! I of course, will be greatly rewarded for the deed.
Haohmaru: What's your goal?
Yuga: Prime Minister of Japan! It would be wonderful wouldn't? I'll be on top of the corperate and political ladder!
Haohmaru: Your looney tunes. You think I'll just help you out like that?
Yuga: Of course, they don't call me the Puppet Master for nothing you know?
Haohmaru: I get it...your controlling that woman. You won't get me though!
Yuga: I've already prepared for that. Shiki! (Pulls out a Neo-Stick)
Shiki: Lord Yuga!
Yuga: Subdue him! (Begins to mash on the buttons)
Shiki: Yes!

Shiki pulls out a pair of combs, and tries to attack Haohmaru from his seated postion. Haohmaru leans backwards in the chair and flps off of it, with the chair flinging forward and into Shiki's face, slamming her backwards.

Haohmaru: YOSHA!
Shiki: Ooof!
Yuga: Damn! Recovery Roll! (Jams on the A+B buttons)
Shiki: Hah! (safely recovers on the ground with a safe roll manuver)
Haohmaru: Pffft! I see it now! You use that toy to control her.
Yuga: It's a top of the line Neo-Stick 2, Garou:Mark of the Wolves edition. I got one more waiting just for you Haohmaru!
Haohmaru: Has if! Senpuu Retsu Zan!!

Haohmaru swings his "sword" into the air and unleashes a whirlwind at Shiki and Yuga.

Yuga: Child's play! (Raises his hand and puts up a defensive barrier in front of Shiki and himself to block it)
Haohmaru: Shit!
Yuga: Now it's my turn! (Mashes on random buttons)
Shiki: Hahaha! (teleports)
Haohmaru: Where'd she go?
Shiki: Behind you!
Haohmaru: Bitch! (turns around to take a swing)
Shiki: (leaps over Haohmaru to get behind him again, stabbing him in the shoulder and leg with her "blades" )
Haohmaru: Aragh!!!
Shiki: (Backflips away from Haohmaru, resuming her postion in front of Yuga)
Yuga: See? It's useless to fight, Shiki is many times faster and more agile than you. Your brute strength is useless!

Suddenly, the front door blew open, it was... Terry Bogard!

Terry: BURNING!!!!!!!

Suddenly, a figure appeared behind Terry, grabbed him by the shoulder and threw him far behind him, it was the Delivery Man!

Terry: GRAAAAARAAAAGH!!!!!
Delivery Man: I got an order here for Yuga...the price total comes to...YOUR LIFE!
Yuga: ASURA! I had you sealed! You escaped!?
Asura: Idiot, your puny seal cannot hold me! You die here and now! Ora!! Legendary Weapon One! Subway, Eat Fresh! WITH MAYO!!

Asura forms a huge sub in his hand, loaded with chicken, turkey, lettuce, tomato, onion, peppers and mayo.

Asura: Die! (Charges at Yuga)
Yuga: Damn! (throws Shiki at Asura)
Shiki: Kyaaah!
Asura: Out of my way! (Slams the huge sub at Shiki, sending her flying into a wall, then continues towards Yuga) PREPARE TO DIE!
Yuga: Nooooooo!
Asura: YAH!!! (stabs Yuga through the chest with the godly sandwich)
Yuga: Guh...(coughs up blood) you dare...YOU DARE! (drops his Neo-Stick to the floor, breaking it to pieces)

Suddenly Nakoruru came in, at the wrong time.

Nakoruru: Huh? Whats going on!? Haohmaru! Shiki!
Haohmaru: Nakoruru? Get away from here! It's not safe!

The whole building began to shake violently.

Yuga: If I go down...I'm taking you all with me!
Asura: Bastard!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!!
Haohmaru: Damn! This place is gonna come crashing down! Nakoruru let's get out of here!
Nakoruru: Wait! What about Shiki?
Haohmaru: Huh?

Shiki stood up, still dazed from Asura's blow.

Nakoruru: Shiki come here! It's not safe!
Shiki: Wha...what?
Haohmaru: Damnit woman! Get over here! You wanna die?
Shiki: ... I'm Yuga's puppet...you think I could live a regular life? Hah, I don't think so...sayonara... (vanishes behind the falling rubble)
Nakoruru: Shiki!
Haohmaru: There's no time! (drags Nakoruru quickly out through the front door)

The entire building collapsed with Yuga, Shiki and Asura still inside. Haohmaru and Nakoruru got away in time safely to the streets. Soon enough, the police arrived on the scene. One had his hair neatly tied up and an eye patch, the other wore a ninja mask. They came up to Haohmaru whom was having his wounds tended to by Nakoruru.

Haohmaru: Oi! Jubei! Hanzo!
Jubei: Hey Haohmaru, what happened here?
Haohmaru: It's a long...crazy...messed up story...
Jubei: Ah, never mind that. Wanna get drunk?
Haohmaru: HELL YES!
Hanzo: You can't be serious...
Jubei: C'mon! Live a little!
Hanzo: But we've been investigating this Yuga The Destroyer for months sir...we gotta wrap this case up, dig through the remains and find the bodies of the suspects.
Haohmaru: Don't bother.
Hanzo: What?
Haohmaru: That guy...or woman...or whatever it is, Yuga. He's still alive.
Hanzo: How do you know?
Haohmaru: It's just that samurai spirit thing inside of me that makes me know.
Hanzo: Bullshit...
Nakoruru: You think Shiki is alive Haohmaru?
Haohmaru: Hmmm...probably.
Nakoruru: Who was that other man that was there though?
Haohmaru: I have no idea..(grins) but he sure looked strong! I wish I could of fought him! Yosha!
Nakoruru: Is fighting and getting drunk all you think about?
Jubei: Ahahahahahahahahahaha! She knows you inside and out Haohmaru! You outta go marry this young lady.
Nakoruru: (blushes)
Haohmaru: Quiet old coot! Ya don't know nothing! Besides, she already has a thing for Galford!
Nakoruru: WAH!?
Jubei: That boy with his dog? The one that is an even better ninja than Hanzo? Ahahahahahahahahahaha!
Hanzo: He is NOT a better ninja than me...
Jubei: Your just saying that because you refused to hire him, knowing he is far more skilled.
Hanzo: Damn! Grrr...screw this! I want to get drunk NOW!
Haohmaru: I think that's something we can all agree on...except Nakoruru, she's underaged!
Nakoruru: Your mean...

While our heroes conversed, Iroha was running through the streets, passing by them, being chased by Kim.

Iroha: Ah! Ah! Huff! DON'T YOU EVER GET TIRED!?
Kim: I DON'T GET TIRED, I GET HYPED! HOU'OU KYAKU!!!!!! HAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Iroha: DAMN! (changes into a crane and flies into the air)
Kim: You think you've won!? HA! (Leaps into the air and flies after her) HAAAAAA!!!
Iroha: IS THERE NOTHING HE CAN'T DO!?
Kim: HATATATATA!!! WATA! ASHO!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Week later, at Nakoruru's High School.

Nakoruru came into class, on time as usual. She took her seat in the front. A few more students came into class and took their seats at their desks, amoung them were Kyo, Iori, Yuki and Shingo. Finally, Sakura (Street Fighter Alpha) came in, and took a seat.

Shingo: Hey! Sakura!
Sakura: Yo Shingo!
Shingo: Guess what? I totally shot fire!
Sakura: NO WAY!? For real this time?
Kyo: Yeah...out of his ass!
Sakura: Hahaha!
Shingo: Master Kusanagi!
Iori: Putz...

The teacher, none other than Dan Hibiki walked into the room, with a young dark haired young lady behind him. He laid down his books on his desk, and attempted to get the classes attention.

Sakura: HADOUKEN! (fires a mini hadouken past the teachers head)
Dan: Alright...settle down now, your sissy fireballs simply cannot harm me! We got a new student here today. Go on, introduce yourself.
New Student: My name is Kanae...and...
Nakoruru: (Shiki!?)
Kanae: and... I hope I can become good friends with you all! (Smiles)
Dan: You may take a seat now! ORA ORA ORA!!!!
Kanae: Thank you.

The new student, named Kanae took a seat in front next to Nakoruru. Nakoruru starred at her astonished.

Kyo: Hey! It's the babe from last week! Whats up!
Kanae: Eh? Sorry, I don't think we've met before...
Yuki: (Sitting behind Kyo, kicks the back of his seat)
Kyo: I MEAN!!...Uhhh...ummm... I guess not! Nice to meet you though (slips a piece of paper to her) Call me?
Kanae: Uhh, maybe...you seem nice.
Nakoruru: (She looks exactly like Shiki...but her personality is so different...)
Kyo: (Oh yeah! Score one for the Kusanagi Clan!)
Iori: DIE!!!! (Grabs Kyo by the head and spins into the air violently, with no flames) Shit! I forgot Ash took my Yagami Necklace! Damn!
Kyo: Ahahahahahaha!
Dan: Iori! Put Kyo back down now and get back in your seat!
Iori: YOU DARE ORDER ME!? YOU WANT TO DIE!?
Dan: I SAID SIT THE FUCK DOWN NOW! (Launches a genric fireball at Iori, knocking him back into his seat). Saikyo-ryuu Ougi! Shinkuu Gadoken!!
Iori: Konomama de wa owaranzo!!!!
Kanae: (whispers to Nakoruru) This school is very violent isn't it?
Nakoruru: (startled) Huh!? Huh...y-yeah..it is!
Dan: Alright class...today we are going to learn about TAUNTS! Funny taunts! Serious taunts! Sexy taunts! All about taunts! ORA ORA!!! Also class, I recently wrote a book called Kyokugen, it's in all major bookstore chains nationwide, so make sure you pick it up!
Kanae: (Starts taking notes) Hmmm...yes interesting...
Nakoruru: Ah...Shi...erm...Kanae, you don't really need to take notes.
Kanae: Why not?
Nakoruru: Because our teacher is kind of an idiot...
Kanae: Oh, okay!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a dark candle lit room, Yuga seats himself on a sofa. He is alive and well, setup at his own pent house, which is surely very expensive.

Yuga: Damn that Asura... I never expected he would come for me so quickly...I wasn't ready to deal with him! And now Shiki is no longer within my grasp...and to make things worse, Haohmaru is further out of my reach! This requires a new approach! This time, it'll be even easier...thanks to Asura! Kukukuku!

Two figures appear behind Yuga, one resembling Asura, abit more well dressed and groomed, and the other resembling Shiki, except she had white hair and both of her eyes were red, and wore even more skimpy clothing. With Yuga alive, what sort of plan does he have in mind to capture Haohmaru and re-capture Shiki? Will Haohmaru be able to get drunk in peace? Will Kyo Kusanagi ever get out of high school? Can Kim Kaphwan catch Iroha and put her through his rehabiliation program? All shall be revealed in time!

SAMURAI SPIRITS - HAOHMARU NO AKINAI IKARI
THE END

Re: Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 08 Feb 2009, 00:33
by R3z
Чет никто не отписался, никто ниасилил чтоле? :gen-an:
Помоему прикольный фанфик, куча юмора, а так же мною любимая тема СС64 и СС вс Коф.

Re: Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 08 Feb 2009, 00:36
by Black Shroud
Я осилил, но там нужно много его очепяток править )) Причем некоторые там как я понял нарочно. Сама идея взята с Yagyu Life Theatre, плюс добавлена куча СНКшного специфического юмора, понятного для тех кто знаком с сериями СС и КОФ довольно детально

Re: Izulde's Samurai Spirits fanfic

PostPosted: 08 Feb 2009, 01:03
by LumberJAN
Для полного понимания необходимы знания английского а так же хотя бы поверхностное представление о персонажах КоФа и СС (и частности СС64+) :lol:

и много-много желания :lol:

ниасилил